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Monday, October 17, 2011

Indiscriminate Peeing and Other Debacles

I haven’t been blogging in a while and I’ve really missed it. I have to apologize to my loyal readers, and by loyal readers, I mean those people I relentlessly hound until they read my blog. I’ve been out this summer living life in full mid-life crisis mode. In fact, I’ve been doing things that have flabbergasted my friends and thoroughly surprised even me.

Honestly, it’s really a summer that I should have had when I turned twenty. You know, when you’re young and naive and full of “I’m indestructible” narcissism. But my life has been a bit outside the norm as far as rebellious phases go. I’ve been falling down drunk only one time in my life. I’ve been to eight states in these states United and I’ve never been out of the country, even though Canada is just a few hours from my home town. Speaking of home town, I’ve lived in Billings my entire life, yep I was born here. In fact, I’ve been experiencing adulthood since I was about four years old. Without reliable parents, you learn a lot of things early, like how to get ready for school on your own, how to do your homework without asking for help, and how to make ramen noodles in order to keep yourself alive. It’s good practical experience, but you swap that “I’m an invincible rebel” stage for working four jobs to put yourself through college and make your life better. And I wouldn’t trade any of the ‘responsible Lori’ that experience bore... or so I thought.

It seems trading or not wasn’t really a conscious decision after all. Apparently, if you don’t experience crazy teenage impulses at the time you’re a teenager, you might come face to face with them during your mid-life crisis. For me, it happened in the summer of year 40. I’ve been saying things like “How bad could it be?” or “What’s the worst that could happen?” or “I can take care of myself, I’m freakishly strong.”, yeah right!

If you don’t know me in real life, you may not know that I’m a bit reserved, a bit cautious and also a bit unconventional. It’s an odd mix of personality traits and sometimes the opposing sides cause a full on war in my head. Honestly, I’ve spent most of my life just fitting in and trying not to be noticed. It turns out, this is not who I am at my core. Consequently, I haven’t lived as the real me quite yet. This summer, I think I finally met the real me and let’s face it, she’s a little nuts. She’s also kinda fun, adventurous, outspoken, artsy-fartsy, very emotional, a little irresponsible and... did I mention, nuts?

Let me try and nutshell my summer of indiscriminate peeing and debauchery.

May: Spent my 40th birthday alone, well actually with my dog. Spent the rest of the month working my conventional job, throwing pots and medicating my rain-depression with too much coffee and obsessive tv-watching.

June: More pot-throwing, it seems I don’t have a realistic sense of time, so consequently I was throwing and firing right up until four days before my big summer art show. EGADS! I would not recommend this although I seem to be fairly consistent about doing it. Got a couple of topless road trips in (the Jeep, not the girl!) and put in some hard labor trying to get my yard ready for the big show day. Started a life-altering diet. Had my show, which turned out fantastically! Also, met a fascinating, funny, beautiful man who played the guitar, got stuck in the rain with me and politely ignored my craziness. Met another interesting, bright, creative man who’s own craziness seemed to amplify mine. Watched some more TV.

July: Did some t-shirt designing and worked my conventional job. Had some more topless road trips. Piddled around on Facebook. Met some new people on Facebook and “face to face”. Took Hairy (my dog) to the park, a lot. Lost 38 pounds. Got Apple TV and used it to watch Netflix way way too much! Started a long distance relationship I was completely unprepared for. Finally figured out what sexting actually was... and suddenly July was over!

August: Got hit on by a cowboy & an artist, but didn’t realize they were actually talking to me until it was too late to do anything about it. Huh? Up to minus 50 pounds. Realized that not dating for 15 years has put me up a creek without a schema! Took a whirlwind trip to Glacier National Park with someone I’d never actually met, but thought I knew. This included camping and nearly freezing to death, but that’s an adventure for another blog entry. Let’s just say this person was comfortable peeing whenever AND wherever the mood hit him.

September to Present: I tried to kayak and it turns out, I LOVE IT! My long distance relationship returned home which completely surprised and scared the bejeesus out of me! To this, I reacted with even more craziness and completely and unintentionally found myself saying “Come here! No, wait, go away! No, wait, come back!” You get the picture. I may have to finally admit that women are a little nuts and I AM a woman! In fact, I don't really know what I want to this very second. To date I have also lost 72 pounds. This is something I didn’t think I would ever share, particularly on a blog, but it seems to factor into the summer madness. You see the more weight I lose, the crazier I get. My body is slowly returning to it’s normal un-lump-like state and with each change I feel more like a girl. A crazy girl, but still... My only conclusion: I got my boobs back and completely lost my mind!